Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Onwards and downwards

I suppose that stealing my kids eggs on a nightly basis was never going to lose me any weight this week - but none went on either - I shall cling to that.   Fortunately I am now sick of the sight of the bloody things (the eggs, not my kids) and although they are still coming out of our ears, I am very definitely back on the rabbit food.

There was a real sense of misery in the fat club room last night, with everyone whispering to each other about how many eggs they had eaten - that flippin Easter Bunny has a lot to answer for.  Why are members of a slimming club so rubbish at dieting?

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Glory days

On Tuesdays it seems fairly common practice for members of my fat club group to starve themselves, to give themselves the best possible chance at the weigh-in that evening - that, and wearing their lightest clothes, taking off all jewellery and trying to do a poo moments before they go in.  I have always thought these antics pretty ridiculous - JUST STOP EATING PIE AND CHIPS I want to shout. 

However, as I stepped onto the scales last night I found myself pathetically telling the barrel of a lady weighing me:

'I am wearing much heavier jeans this week, and I didn't do my usual poo this morning, AND I have got my period'. 

The lady, without even looking up at me, muttered: 'You've lost a pound' took my five quid, then beckoned for me to get off the scales, still without looking at me. 

My friend (a fellow fat club member - in fact it is her fault I started this whole thing) and I then went for our obligatory pint of cider and packet of crisps in the pub down the road, not before going via Spar and picking up three Cadbury Button eggs for £3, and then eating them under the table at the pub.

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

The Creme Egg and Cider diet

Last week started off fairly calmly, and I had been happily chomping my way through small portions of pasta and fat-free tomato sauce for every meal.  But by Friday I found myself in the middle of a serious crisis with one of my best friends - it has been horrendous.  This lead to me either forgetting or not having time to eat. 

I survived solely on Smoky Bacon crisps, Creme eggs, and Easter eggs (I have been raiding the kids hidden supply given by grandparents - needs must) and lots of Bulmers Original, for five days before my weigh-in yesterday.

The large Slimming World Consultant asked how my week had been.  I just shrugged, but almost cried.,  I felt like asking how her week had been and why she felt qualified for this job.  I looked around at the other members, most of which are very skinny elderly ladies, and wondered why on earth they came to this group.

I was weighed and had lost another 3 pounds.  It is amazing what a bit of stress and chocolate does for weight loss.  Now where's that Creme Egg...?

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Harder to shift

I stupidly looked at an old scrap book I had lovingly put together, containing photos of a holiday in Tenerife with my first boyfriend.  And if I may say so, I looked pretty damn good: no wine-induced ruddy complexion, no bags under the eyes and not an ounce of fat on me.  But then hey, I was 18 years old, 20 years of aging and two kids does a lot.  The sad thing is though, at the time I genuinely thought I was fat.

After looking at these photos of me frolicking in bikinis, coming down water slides, jumping from rocks and floating on li-los, I felt positively depressed.  At least I was doing something about it I reasoned.

Slimming World say that you can eat as much pasta, rice, noodles and potatoes as you like - so I took them at their word and really went to town on my carb portion sizes this week, but boldly cut right back on my alcohol, chocolate and bread intake.  I felt I had worked hard at it, and was very proud of myself, but did wonder whether all those lovely carbs were too good to be true...  and they were.  I was weighed yesterday and had only lost a mere 2lbs.  My mum tried to cheer me up by saying: 'at least you didn't put on 2lbs - you are going in the right direction'.

She is of course right, I am going in the right direction, but boy do I find it hard to shift the pounds now that I am older.  Five years ago I only had to look at a stick of celery and the weight would come flying off within seconds.

And it doesn't offer that much inspiration when the Slimming World 'Consultant' at my local group, who boasts to having been a member for 9 years, is very very large.